Christmas Lost almost

A small sampling of how my life works.

This weekend, I was looking forward to doing the yearly do - putting up the Christmas tree and dressing it all up. However, I've recently moved to a much smaller place and haven't figured out a way to store all the crap I've acquired in years past, so I'd just left the non-necessities in the storage building behind the old house. So, over I go with ex-hubby in tow to bring out the tree and such, but to my surprise, there was no tree to be found. No decorations. No nothing. The storage building was empty of all things glittery. Of course, as most sappy traditional people do, I got misty. My mind leapt to all the little cheesy decorations my son has made me over the years, the ornaments my grandmother gave me, all the worthless-to-everyone-but-me-crap I've collected over the years and I was left empty. Much like my storage building.

"Oh My God! Someone stole all my Christmas shit! Sorry no-sentiment-having-bastards!"

Of course, I'm on a limited budget, and I can't afford to just run down and buy 20 gazillion dollars worth of Christmas decorations, because you know, that's what my tree and ornaments were worth. Nevertheless, I was empty I tell you, so of course I just had to run to Wal-mart and buy something. A Santa candle-lamp and some bells for my door to be exact, and I would just have to stick the lamp on a table and put any presents under the table and be happy with that as a sad little excuse for a tree this year.

In the mean time, ex-hubby decided it was a malicious attempt at Scrooginy and called the police to report my life-challenged spruce and baubles missing.

NO, really - I'm quite serious. He filed a stolen property report. On a Christmas tree and ornaments.

I know.

Anyway, next door to our old house is a house which is vacant, a family member's, and therefore perfect for storage. Even after asking ex-hubby if he'd checked the house to make sure the tree wasn't there, he still felt he was right in calling the police. "I know I didn't put it there."

Until the cop left and he thought it was worth a look.

You see where this is going, don't you?

To answer your question, no, he did not call and report that he'd found it. I mean, that would make him look like an idiot to the police, right?

Right.