Tuesday, August 19, 2008
Behind every bitch.....
...there's a totally unreasonable asshole pain in the ass prick man that made her that way.
Friday, June 13, 2008
bloghunting
I am, to say the least, in awe of some of the new blogs that have come 'on the market' while I've been doing things other than finding smart and funny new blogs in the last couple of years...where have I been?
Since the folks at the blurbodoocery are beachcombing this week, I have been entertaining myself with daily guest posts. This post had me rolling - because it's hilarious of course, but particularly because of the countless times I've heard my husband utter the same words regarding his two daughters.
I'm hooked!
Since the folks at the blurbodoocery are beachcombing this week, I have been entertaining myself with daily guest posts. This post had me rolling - because it's hilarious of course, but particularly because of the countless times I've heard my husband utter the same words regarding his two daughters.
I'm hooked!
Monday, June 02, 2008
Almost famous, but inspired Inspiron instead
I'm compelled to write...and the only thing I can think of to write about is my near-brush with fame. How many people do you know that have been nearly brushed with fame? Everyone, right?
Well, I'm no exception. No stranger to mediocrity here.
I like to watch Ellen. I think she's hilarious...her brand of whatever whenever fits right in with the way I'd like to live. (Not that I do, but I'd like to. Hubby keeps me in check on that one.) So, one day I'm doing the daily surf around the sites I check, and Ellen has a 'win a car' thingy on her site, and who doesn't need a new car? So I enter and go on with my day. Forgot the whole thing.
A few weeks later (the Sunday before Mother's Day) I'd had a raging 'maybe we ought to just divorce' arguement with hubby, and stormed out to the grocery store. When I get back, hubby says "The Ellen Show called while you were gone."
Like "we need to have the oil changed" or "the air conditioner is on the fritz".
"The Ellen Show called."
So I say "ok, you're going to bring the groceries in, right?"
Passing by the table, I notice there's a long-distance phone number written on an envelope with the heading "Ellen Degeneres" across the top. So, of course, I stop and have to ask if he's serious. I call the number and get the friendly voicemail of Glory, apparently one of the producers or production assistants. I leave a message that I'm returing a call. The entire night I'm trying to figure out what in hell they'd be calling me for. I surf the Ellen site again, and notice the win a car thingy, so I get excited...this is the only way they'd have my information.
The next day, I call again and leave another message saying that I'm again returning a call because one call was just NOT enough. Later on that day the magic call came in, Glory calling me back to ask all sorts of questions about me, my family, my car...and I'm completely stupid in answering her questions because the whole thing has just not sunk in. So for a day or so, I'm walking around in a cloud and it's coming to me that I must be a candidate in the running for this new car...which, by the way, was a (holy shit) 2009 Yukon Hybrid.
The ol' durango is on it's last leg, and I have a chance at winning a new hybrid! With gas at $4.00 a gallon, and all the new bills that come with just buying a house, this is more than enticing. So, I just have to call Glory back...just to leave a voicemail message, thank her for calling, tell her I'm so excited!
And on this went for a week...I became obsessed with the fact that they might call again and I'd miss it because I had to work, so I forwarded my house phone to my cell and wore it under my clothes at work on vibrate so I wouldn't miss my new truck call. I checked the ellen site again, this time pulling up the rules and regs of the giveaway, and became even more excited...this contest comes with a trip to L.A.! OMG that's better than a new car! To attend the taping of Ellen! Gasp!
Friday, I had laid the phone down on my desk, and it starts dancing all over the place...so I pick it up and some dude is yammering away in spanish, so I tell him he has the wrong number and hang up. After 4 more of these calls, I finally say "el numero wrong-o" because isn't that how you say "wrong number" for the 5th time in spanish?
I begin to get wise...and call hubby up to find out if he's having some sort of brain fart and trying to fake me out, but surely not because doesn't he know I'll beat his ass for something like that? I give him a call and tell him that I know it must be him that's playing a prank, and he says "If I were going to do that, I'd have a woman call and say 'this is the ellen show' and get you real good." And what do you think happens not 10 min. later? So of course I say "No, it ain't. It's my husband and I'm going to kill him for it" and for the next several minutes I made a very nice lady named Vicky from The Ellen Show prove who she was...beyond embarrassing. She called to say she was doing a 2nd round follow-up call, and asked me all the same questions again plus a few more in-depth questions about my truck and family, and said there should be a decision soon, and would I be able to fly to L.A. on a moment's notice for a taping of the show...and who wouldn't?? So feeling like I actually had a shot, I called my boss and my family who were all excited too...and we went on for a few more days on our toes.
Another call came from Vicky, and that one began like this: "Is this Becky? Becky, this is the-person-whom-you-think-it-isn't."
Mortified, I tell you.
This was the following Sunday, and she called again to tell me that the decision process had been hampered by scheduling and the Mother's Day holiday, but there should be a decision by the next day...and if I were called, I'd have to leave that day. Having already made my decision of who I would take if I got to go to L.A., I called my sister and told her to get her ass up here (she lives in Louisiana) because if they call me again, I'd have to leave tomorrow and I damn sure wasn't going to wait on her ass to get here. She was at my house the next morning by 9:30, and we began the day of excited waiting on our tip toes.
By that afternoon I was about to jump out of my skin. No kidding, my bags were packed and I was ready to head to Little Rock National Airport. I had gone through the possibility of winning and all the consequences...can I afford to pay the taxes and insurance on this thing? The truck's worth was over $50,000 - this would nearly double our income, certainly to be an issue next April. Figured the whole thing out.
I made a call to Vicky - just to leave a voicemail to let her know I hoped she was having a good day and there were still flights available leaving LR National. I had checked. Surprise - Glory picks up her phone and says Vicky's in the 'morning meeting' and could she take a message, so I told her who I was, bless her heart, those gals are so sweet and friendly, even when someone nearing stalker status calls and catches them off guard...so I told her that I hoped she and Vicky were having a great day, and hoped to see them soon.
An hour or so later, I got another call from Glory asking me to send more pictures, and I did. And so help me, I have never been so angry with myself that I was so stupid and didn't send the picture they probably wanted...I sent pics of me, hubby, the kids, the dog...thinking that's what they wanted to see, but the one picture I never sent was one of my car.
Yeah. I was never known for my intelligence, thank you.
I called to make sure that this time the pics went through, and they did, and that was it.
Not one more word from the Ellen show.
I unpacked my bag, and as God is my witness, I spiraled down into some insane depression for the next 2 weeks, watching as a hospice nurse from Ohio won my truck on the show. I knew she deserved this car more than me - her car had no reverse, and for the moment, mine did...but I'd been so excited...and at the same time (ever analyzing) why in hell did such a thing depress me so much? And more importantly, who the hell was I to think I deserved anything I didn't pay for myself? My life was stagnant. Had I really been that unhappy for so long that such a whirlwind week full of excitement and tippy-toeness (yes, that's a valid term, dammit) could have spun me into this horrible 'I'm going nowhere' feeling? Ugh. Something is definitely wrong with this picture.
In the meantime, I get on the computer, my only toy and outlet to the world, which is holding out for about 5 minutes at a time now (something is making it shut down, like overheating? I don't know) and I get more and more irritated and depressed. I go to work, and the rising price of gas is just hanging there at every gas station my old 8-10 mile per gallon truck passes...car lots are full of cute small gas savers that my family won't all fit in, and big behemoth 8-seaters I can never afford nor fill with gas.
Finally, hubby decides something must be done.
Mama needs a new toy.
And voila! Introducing my new Dell Inspiron 1721.
But it still sucks ass that I didn't get to go to L.A.
Well, I'm no exception. No stranger to mediocrity here.
I like to watch Ellen. I think she's hilarious...her brand of whatever whenever fits right in with the way I'd like to live. (Not that I do, but I'd like to. Hubby keeps me in check on that one.) So, one day I'm doing the daily surf around the sites I check, and Ellen has a 'win a car' thingy on her site, and who doesn't need a new car? So I enter and go on with my day. Forgot the whole thing.
A few weeks later (the Sunday before Mother's Day) I'd had a raging 'maybe we ought to just divorce' arguement with hubby, and stormed out to the grocery store. When I get back, hubby says "The Ellen Show called while you were gone."
Like "we need to have the oil changed" or "the air conditioner is on the fritz".
"The Ellen Show called."
So I say "ok, you're going to bring the groceries in, right?"
Passing by the table, I notice there's a long-distance phone number written on an envelope with the heading "Ellen Degeneres" across the top. So, of course, I stop and have to ask if he's serious. I call the number and get the friendly voicemail of Glory, apparently one of the producers or production assistants. I leave a message that I'm returing a call. The entire night I'm trying to figure out what in hell they'd be calling me for. I surf the Ellen site again, and notice the win a car thingy, so I get excited...this is the only way they'd have my information.
The next day, I call again and leave another message saying that I'm again returning a call because one call was just NOT enough. Later on that day the magic call came in, Glory calling me back to ask all sorts of questions about me, my family, my car...and I'm completely stupid in answering her questions because the whole thing has just not sunk in. So for a day or so, I'm walking around in a cloud and it's coming to me that I must be a candidate in the running for this new car...which, by the way, was a (holy shit) 2009 Yukon Hybrid.
The ol' durango is on it's last leg, and I have a chance at winning a new hybrid! With gas at $4.00 a gallon, and all the new bills that come with just buying a house, this is more than enticing. So, I just have to call Glory back...just to leave a voicemail message, thank her for calling, tell her I'm so excited!
And on this went for a week...I became obsessed with the fact that they might call again and I'd miss it because I had to work, so I forwarded my house phone to my cell and wore it under my clothes at work on vibrate so I wouldn't miss my new truck call. I checked the ellen site again, this time pulling up the rules and regs of the giveaway, and became even more excited...this contest comes with a trip to L.A.! OMG that's better than a new car! To attend the taping of Ellen! Gasp!
Friday, I had laid the phone down on my desk, and it starts dancing all over the place...so I pick it up and some dude is yammering away in spanish, so I tell him he has the wrong number and hang up. After 4 more of these calls, I finally say "el numero wrong-o" because isn't that how you say "wrong number" for the 5th time in spanish?
I begin to get wise...and call hubby up to find out if he's having some sort of brain fart and trying to fake me out, but surely not because doesn't he know I'll beat his ass for something like that? I give him a call and tell him that I know it must be him that's playing a prank, and he says "If I were going to do that, I'd have a woman call and say 'this is the ellen show' and get you real good." And what do you think happens not 10 min. later? So of course I say "No, it ain't. It's my husband and I'm going to kill him for it" and for the next several minutes I made a very nice lady named Vicky from The Ellen Show prove who she was...beyond embarrassing. She called to say she was doing a 2nd round follow-up call, and asked me all the same questions again plus a few more in-depth questions about my truck and family, and said there should be a decision soon, and would I be able to fly to L.A. on a moment's notice for a taping of the show...and who wouldn't?? So feeling like I actually had a shot, I called my boss and my family who were all excited too...and we went on for a few more days on our toes.
Another call came from Vicky, and that one began like this: "Is this Becky? Becky, this is the-person-whom-you-think-it-isn't."
Mortified, I tell you.
This was the following Sunday, and she called again to tell me that the decision process had been hampered by scheduling and the Mother's Day holiday, but there should be a decision by the next day...and if I were called, I'd have to leave that day. Having already made my decision of who I would take if I got to go to L.A., I called my sister and told her to get her ass up here (she lives in Louisiana) because if they call me again, I'd have to leave tomorrow and I damn sure wasn't going to wait on her ass to get here. She was at my house the next morning by 9:30, and we began the day of excited waiting on our tip toes.
By that afternoon I was about to jump out of my skin. No kidding, my bags were packed and I was ready to head to Little Rock National Airport. I had gone through the possibility of winning and all the consequences...can I afford to pay the taxes and insurance on this thing? The truck's worth was over $50,000 - this would nearly double our income, certainly to be an issue next April. Figured the whole thing out.
I made a call to Vicky - just to leave a voicemail to let her know I hoped she was having a good day and there were still flights available leaving LR National. I had checked. Surprise - Glory picks up her phone and says Vicky's in the 'morning meeting' and could she take a message, so I told her who I was, bless her heart, those gals are so sweet and friendly, even when someone nearing stalker status calls and catches them off guard...so I told her that I hoped she and Vicky were having a great day, and hoped to see them soon.
An hour or so later, I got another call from Glory asking me to send more pictures, and I did. And so help me, I have never been so angry with myself that I was so stupid and didn't send the picture they probably wanted...I sent pics of me, hubby, the kids, the dog...thinking that's what they wanted to see, but the one picture I never sent was one of my car.
Yeah. I was never known for my intelligence, thank you.
I called to make sure that this time the pics went through, and they did, and that was it.
Not one more word from the Ellen show.
I unpacked my bag, and as God is my witness, I spiraled down into some insane depression for the next 2 weeks, watching as a hospice nurse from Ohio won my truck on the show. I knew she deserved this car more than me - her car had no reverse, and for the moment, mine did...but I'd been so excited...and at the same time (ever analyzing) why in hell did such a thing depress me so much? And more importantly, who the hell was I to think I deserved anything I didn't pay for myself? My life was stagnant. Had I really been that unhappy for so long that such a whirlwind week full of excitement and tippy-toeness (yes, that's a valid term, dammit) could have spun me into this horrible 'I'm going nowhere' feeling? Ugh. Something is definitely wrong with this picture.
In the meantime, I get on the computer, my only toy and outlet to the world, which is holding out for about 5 minutes at a time now (something is making it shut down, like overheating? I don't know) and I get more and more irritated and depressed. I go to work, and the rising price of gas is just hanging there at every gas station my old 8-10 mile per gallon truck passes...car lots are full of cute small gas savers that my family won't all fit in, and big behemoth 8-seaters I can never afford nor fill with gas.
Finally, hubby decides something must be done.
Mama needs a new toy.
And voila! Introducing my new Dell Inspiron 1721.
But it still sucks ass that I didn't get to go to L.A.
Monday, May 26, 2008
Sanctuary. Sanctuary!
Oh my, what a long time it's been...and such a small amount to write about, but there are subjects.
I'll begin with the new house....yes! I bought a house...and it's lovely if I do say so myself. You see, a new home was something I thought I would never be able to have.
Out of my reach.
Doomed to rent the rest of my days.
But no!
3 bedrooms and 2 bathrooms of homeowner's bliss, and in a gated community - the area is wonderful. Mostly retired folks who love to play golf, but quiet, lots of green and trees everywhere you look, a great school, and close to work. Who could bitch? (See below.)
It may not be the color I would have chosen had I built it myself (who picks lavender siding?) but somehow, it seems to work well with the landscaping....which, by the way, is almost all rocks. The whole front yard. Isn't that odd? Damn sure was to me....I thought that was only for people who lived in Arizona. Or New Mexico. Or Africa. It's apparently quite popular in central Arkansas too.
The front door would have been perfect for the set of That 70's Show - it has a framed window with little round-shaped indentions that obstructs the view through the amber-colored glass.
The master bathroom and the kitchen are entirely too small, and the air-conditioning system is 30 yrs. old. The refrigerator makes an odd noise every so often. I can find a million things wrong with this place.
But, then, I walk out the back door...
My sister has a room in the middle of her house which she has furnished and decorated with things only she enjoys - jazz posters, candles, scarf-covered lamps so the lighting is just right, comfy couch pillows and throws, odd knick-knacks...and she calls it her sanctuary. It's the place she goes to when she wants to unwind...chillax. My back deck is my sanctuary. I can't wait to get up in the mornings and watch the birds and squirrels in the tree just off the deck...or to get home from work every day so I can sit out on the deck and watch the sunlight slowly slip through the trees. Completely worth the million other things.
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