Congratulate me!
I'm a newlywed.
Again.

For my political post of the year... may I just say ditto?

Bells will be ringing...

I'm getting married.
Again.
For those of you who know me, SHUT UP.

Election day is the date. No, no fancy ceremony, no honeymoon (yet.) Just me, my fella, and a Justice of the Peace. Surely there will be a Justice of the Peace available on E-day. It'll be just my luck that the courthouse will shut down completely once the polls open. Why election day you ask? Well, I'll tell you. You see, we work at the same place. We can't get a damn day off together. So we begged our boss for one day off. Just one. Together. It was Tuesday or nothing. We took it.

The runt isn't the happiest of folks about this new development - but he'll do ok. Just a little time. Tonight I asked him if he'd decided to stay at home Tuesday night or would he rather go spend the night with his aunt. He jokingly answered, "I guess I'll stay with Aunt Dee so you two can get it ON!" He made a joke!! (This is a major achievement, folks.)

Ex-hubby was cordial and congratulatory after hearing the news, this gives me relief. I don't worry so much now that he'll make things difficult with the runt.

My family is not as easy. I haven't told them a thing. I suppose they'll give me a call when they read it in the paper. I'm a little put out with mom, but that's a normal occurrence. I'm sure she's put out with me - which is even more normal.

Happy Halloween!!

Just a note to say HI! I've been entirely too busy with school and work, and a new engagement :) to post lately.

A note to Indigo Hat - I've corrected the link, so sorry it took forever. I hope it shows up correctly in the next few minutes - the blog roll seems to take forever to update.

I'm up wayyyyy too early once again, must go to work today, which I am not happy about - hate to work on Sunday. This is my 'date night' only to be partaken of every 2 weeks due to time constraints and such.

Now, I must ask those of you who read me to give me a shout in the comments. I have a honeymoon planned sometime in the near future - preferrably in Las Vegas. Any of you with anything worthwhile to contribute, PLEASE DO! I need some pointers on how to have a great time in Vegas on a budget!

A rare instance of a marginally political post from BeginInTheMiddle:

As I scanned the blog pages this morning, I came up with something disturbing. Moxie, who I enjoy reading (and let's not forget, is quite the hottie), lists a previous post entitled "Warms the cold heart" and as disgusting as the t-shirt referred to in that post is to me personally, I agree with her right to post her thoughts on this or any subject.

Furthermore, I disagree with those thoughts.

Let me say that again.
I agree with her right to post her thoughts on this or any subject.
I disagree with those thoughts.

That's what it's all about. We have the right to think/write/say/do what we want, to agree or disagree, and to post it. I've never understood how those who enjoy living in a free society can be so militantly against certain things. It's all or none. The choice someone else made may not be the choice you'd make, but isn't it wonderful that you have the right to choose?

Let me also say that I firmly believe no one has the right to judge anyone. This post was totally judgemental (snippet: "heartless, unprincipled liberal who kills babies") and Moxie had every right to make it so.

I just disagree.

And others do too. My thanks to Madame Butterfly and Blonde But Bright, and to The Binary Circumstance for posting their views, and my thanks to Moxie as well for posting hers.

Top 3 reasons the runt would never play football:

#1- Many years ago, I decided and made it public knowledge that my son would not play football. He would not become part of a sport that was so dangerous. I believe this realization came when he was 2 years old and broke his leg. To be more precise, probably at the exact moment that I had to give him the first of several baths with a cast attached. Baseball, yes. Basketball, sure, if he wants to. Soccer, why not? But football - no.

#2- X-box never had such a devoted follower as the runt. Neither has Mrs. Freshley's, Little Debbie, Nabisco, etc. He has a daily digital-mandibular workout with them all. Therefore, fully physically demanding sports such as football have never been in the forefront of his mind. Nor in the 'back 40', so to speak.

#3- Remember Coach Kilmer in Varsity Blues? How about the whole premace of Blue Chips? Movies are movies, meant for entertainment purposes only. However, we live in South Arkansas, people. Football is serious business here. Just like in the movies.

No, really.

Sometime between those early years and today, I realized that organized sports may actually do him some good. I suppose this particular realization came this last year when he seemed to become so bothered by our fairly recent family status change.

This afternoon will be his 3rd football practice. The first was Monday, and that was, to say the least, the turning point for us both. There we stood on the practice field faced with mom's and dad's (mostly dad's) with their own runts in tow, some in full football practice attire, and some like the two of us - clueless. Almost embarrassed. My head fills with the runt's whispers, "Mom, I don't know why you are making me do this. I told you I didn't want to" which were stopped cold with my own whispers, "Shut up." Never will he know that my 'shut up' was meant not for him, but for the voice in my own head. His whines translated to: "It's 93 degrees, he's too young for this, this is dangerous, what the hell am I doing?" with each whispered whine from him.

So, as my better judgement from years past and present day wrestled with each other, I pushed him out of the nest and turned and left the field. When I picked him up an hour later, he was wringing wet with sweat, tired, dirty, and thirsty.

And not unhappy.
And neither was I.

"How was it?" I asked.
"It was ok." he answered.

So I ask you:
ARE YOU READY FOR SOME PEEWEE FOOTBALL?!

Insomnia has set in, and I have bathed myself in it. I took the opportunity to catch up on some reading, which of course means that I just had to pop in on J to see how she's doing. I came back with an overwhelming feeling of, well, of "feel good". So, I'm happy to announce that her latest post has my nomination for Feel Good Post Of The Year.

Seriously.

Go read it and tell me you don't wish you had a sister. Or, at least a sister like you were like that with.

Or, at least a mom who would bankroll your lewd and lacivious activities.

In a previous post, I mentioned that I had decided my chosen profession was not yielding enough monetarily? Well, I'm proud to say I've taken the first step to remedy that little problem. I am now an enrollee in the 1st 4 prerequisites that shall one day in the not so distant future make me a bonafied RN. Not that I want that title, I think it sucks, or actually, what I've seen of it sucks. In my area, the RN's sit on their considerable asses or walk around aimlessly holding a clipboard so as to look busy, but in actuality do NOTHING, and then have the audacity to take credit for what I'VE done. However, it's the next rung on the ladder of the coveted Bachelor's degree, so it must be done.

You may now shalom me.


From the "Cut-N-Paste-From-The-Car" conversation files...

Riding home from work:
Runt: You know what I love?
Me: What?
Runt: Money.
Me: What's that saying about the love of money?

(thinking)

Me: It was like a bible verse or something.

(still thinking)

Me: Oh...I remember. 'For the love of money is the root of all evil.' Right?
Fella (chimes in): I thought that was women.
Me: [Censored]

Driving home from a date:
Fella: Mmm.. (taking a drink) this is pretty good. Never had this before.
Me: What is it? Let me try it.
Fella: (Reading outside of bottle) It's called 'tangelo'. (pronounced tangle-oh)
Not bad huh?
Me: Yeah. It's good, but it's all a crock. It's just orange with a dressed-up name. They just put these new fancy names on these new drinks for promotion and novelty. Something new to buy, something you haven't heard of, so you buy it. You know what I mean, it's all a 'façade' (pronounced fuh-kaid).

A few random thoughts...

Man, I wish I could offer such good shit as the folks at Tequila Mockingbird and Witt and Wisdom spit out on nearly a daily basis.

Seriously!

I am in awe of them both, have been sort of a 'stalker' at both sites for some time. Sure, they remember me from my old site, Zanygraze...or rather, they probably don't remember me at all. More believeably, I'm sure I'm one of the many admirers from afar who they just casually come across in their site statistics once in a great while and pass off as another dumbass who wishes she could actually write.

Particularly good is the most recent post at Tequila Mockingbird entitled Longing. Woah. Yeah, I said "woah", because I was just floored at J's ability to put those thoughts into words that actually read like thoughts.

You with me?

Of course, it has a hard time competing with CW's thoughts-into-words-entry regarding his Infiniti G35.

Indeed, a fine pussy wagon.

Eloquence, I tell you.

At any rate, they are both 'da bomb'.

School Daze...

I have decided that being an LPN in South Arkansas is never going to pay enough money, therefore I must go back to school. Yes, I will take my big, old ass back to the classroom, no matter how badly I'll fit into the desks now, and hit the books again. I will, depending on how my financial aid package shapes up, begin prerequesites in the fall of this year and trudge headstrong into full-fledged studentity.

Hopefully, I'm still young and spry enough to kick the little shit's ass behind me who will be pulling the little gray hairs from my head during lectures.

Wish me luck!

Yes, it's been awhile...and again, a long month or two between posts. So much has come to pass, I don't know where to start. Where did I leave off? OH...I moved.

Well, that's going fine and dandy. I like the new house, though I have to admit that I do NOT like the no-central-heat-&-air thing. Just something I have to get used to. Window air - ugh. I think the runt has gotten a little more adjusted, though he's out of school now, and doesn't seem to want to get out and play, so meeting the neighborhood kids isn't going as I'd hoped. I suppose he will in time.

Newest news. Let me back up a little...

So in March, I decide that the best thing to do as far as planning goes would be to get some sort of birth control. Makes sense, right? I'm newly divorced, 34, have no desire for more children, and enjoy sex in a monogomous relationship. However, I don't function well with hormone-based birth control methods, don't want to have to fool with remembering something daily or each 'time'. So, it seeemed the IUD was the perfect choice for me. No hormones, no remembering, 98% effective.

Perfect.

Until I realized this thing seemed a bit out of place, so I thought it best to go to the clinic and have the placement checked so I could have it fixed or replaced.

And of course, Murphy's Law came into play. Fixing is impossible. Removal is the only answer, and since this is the 2nd time this has happened (once long before I had been pregnant)
replacement was not a welcome option because inevitibly, it would screw up again.

This is not welcome news. So now I'm still newly divorced, 34, have no desire for more children, enjoy sex in a monogomous relationship, still don't function well with hormone-based birth control methods, and still don't want to have to fool with remembering something daily or each 'time'.

However, no longer does it seem the IUD is the perfect choice for me.

Yes, I know to many of you this is a not-so-important issue, but it's a very important issue for me. So it's seeming more and more like my best option would be a more permenant method of birth control, except I don't want to have surgery.

Now begins the nearly impossible trek of convincing my fella that he really needs a vasectomy. Yes, the road is bleak, the begging endless, but I shall forge through and overcome.

So help me GOD.

Holy SHIT it's been a long couple of months. Many changes and many differences. My kid is going through some sort of hormonal/divorce-induced/nightmarish phase. My ex is being true to form in every way an ex can. My job sucks.

My life is surprisingly good lately in spite of all this.

Stressful, but good.

I've moved again, stressful in itself, but it was a good move....well, so far. I've moved next door to my fella. We shall see.

Work sucked tonight and my fella, good fella that he is in so many ways, HUNG UP ON ME. Seriously! Can you imagine me of all people getting the dial tone?? I was mortified and thought I was actually going to lose it and break into tears right there. I pulled through though, overcame, and was momentarily quite pissed but got over it and called back to apologize. Maybe I shouldn't have. I don't know...what I do know is that I HATE to be at odds with him and try to do whatever will keep that from happening. Maybe I'm turning into a big puss.

From the useless conversation files....

...Me: "I heard that the word 'fine' is the most non-committal word in the english language. Bet you didn't you know that."

Fella: "I don't know about that."

Me: "What do you mean you don't know about that? It wasn't like a question as to whether it was truth or not, it was a statement. It's true. I got it from a reliable source."

Fella: "Oh? Seems to me the most non-committal word in the english language would be the word 'non-committal'."

Me: "Smartass."

All's well

Back at the ponderosa, things are looking up finally. I got rid of a huge problem which was looming and threatening to cause me much anguish a couple of months ago. This is a good thing. Trust me on that.

My fella is still my fella, even after his date with a co-worker. Actually, he 'officially' became my fella after the date, so I have to say that all-in-all, the date was a positive move. Who'd 'a thunk it?

Today I called in sick to work, took a walk along a beautiful trail in a local national park, had supper cooked for me, watched Rundown ("Can you smelllllll what The Rock is cookin'?"), and had a good time.

After a wonderful day of playing hookey followed by a wonderful night of playing hooker, I think it's time I turn in.

Dear Blog,

It's been a-while since I've confided in you, and boy, do I have a lot of confiding to do. However, to keep it short, I'll just give you a synopsis.

I work.
I work my ass off and am not appreciated.

I have a fella'.
He's an ass, but aren't they all in some way?

I have had worries...
...sometimes, nearly too large to bear.

I'm making it. I had my doubts as to whether I could, but those are no more. This is a huge plus!

I've made some new friends, and lost a friend.
You can never have too many.

And lastly, I found out recently that someone is "attached" to me.
Of course, he's got a date with another woman this weekend. Just my luck.

So...how was your weekend?

Ok, so last weekend I decided to go out with a friend to the horse races. Sounded fun, never been, something new.

So I leave the little one with a trusted relative, knowing that he's somewhat upset lately about being left with anyone that's not as well known, and has a tendency to call me in the middle of the night wanting to come home. (I attribute this to the divorce being so new, and it being difficult to adjust to.)

I let the babysitter know where I was, but didn't tell my little one - the last thing I wanted to do was to have to tell him "No, you can't go because they don't let little one's in there" so I thought it better just not to say anything.

He gets wind of the fact that I left town, and went on a ballistic-for-a-moment-trip, during which he called his father and told him I "left" him. My ex-husband then proceeded to hunt me down 3 hours away from home, and showed up in the parking lot of the race track to tell me my son hates me and wants to go live with his dad so he'd be arranging to move back to town.

I persevere, and my friend and I go to dinner. Red Lobster - it was actually quite nice :)

Being bombarded with horrible thoughts of what my son is thinking, I decide I should call him after dinner, and I do. On the other end of the phone is a sniffling child begging me to come home and pick him up immediately. I told him that I'll be home around 1am and would come pick him up if he really wanted me to. He said he did, and I was true to my word.

Except, when I got there, this highly upset child that was steadfast wanting his mommy was gone to a friend's house to spend the night, and had left about 10 minutes after I'd spoken to him. It seems his friend called about 5 minutes after I'd spoken to him that night, and that sounded more important than waiting on his mother to come pick him up in a few hours.

Moral: A child's problem is only a problem for about 5 minutes, but it continues on for the parents for hours.

Needless to say, my weekend was ruined.

Beauty

Feeling as though you're the only one he wants to be with, the butterflies in your stomach when you know he's on the way over, the best sex and talk you've ever experienced, the most fun you've had in years leaving wonderful memories, his eyes, and knowing he's in control.

[Yeah, there's definitely beauty in that.]

Ugly

The fact that it is only for the dark hours, that he won't be staying, that you don't measure up, that your memories are only your own, that there is pain, hurt and heartbreak behind the sparkle and that it's all still just below the surface, and knowing you have no control over the fact that it's going precisely no where.

Happy New Year!
I hope all are having as happy a new year as I - and might I add, it is quite a happy one considering I have the day off. This fact, of course, is all one needs to make it a happy day.

Christmas came and went with all the excitement equivalent to stepping in a large pile of freshly-laid dog poop, and still, I have this damned tree to disassemble.

Ex-hubby and ex-mother-in-law came to visit and stayed with me (yes, with me) and while I enjoy her company, his is somewhat of a mixed-feeling-thing. He drove her back home a couple of days after Christmas, but he remains - like skunk-stinch. (Staying at someone elses place, however.)

And here I sit looking at this amazingly large pile of laundry and the completely assembled Christmas tree trying to decide what else I could possibly find to do today.