Happy Thanksgiving! a day late

Here I sit, newly single (yes, 2 days and counting now) and therefore with no life and no fun in the foreseeable future, so what do I do?

Well, I work.

And I read blogs.

God knows I've certainly been shirking my blog-reading lately. I have missed entirely too much of the goings on of my favorite bloggers such as her and him not to mention countless others.

This morning, I caught up on a little reading, and laughed myself nearly into unconsciousness. I mean c'mon.....you just know it's going to be so far past hilarity that it's hard to come up with a name for the amount-of-funny when you see a post named "booger brigade" - right? CW, I wish you all the luck in the world with the newly dismissed long-lost love of your life, Carb O'Hydrate.
She has always been a trifling bitch to me too.
[Confidential to CW, I forgive you for not being thankful for me in your thankspimping post, only because #1, I have gone and let my old site go, and #2, I never really posted anything worth a shit anyway. Really, it's ok.]

And, synonymous with all this hilarity came a whirlwind of calm, shame, and jealousy but in a good way, for that is the only way I can think of to describe how I feel after reading about the vacation that Julia has just returned from.

In totally unrelated but definitely mention-worthy news, I must say especially considering my newly single status, I'm a bit miffed that I can't ever get this lucky.

What the hell am I doing?
I'm wondering - is it just me, or is it every woman who has ever filed for divorce that begins asking herself "What the hell am I doing?!?" just a few days before the final court date?

And in totally unrelated news, my favorite blogger (you may remember on my other-blog-which-is-no-more that I had a strange stalking affection to her) has decided to throw caution to the wind and jet off to freakin' London!

I'm so jealous.

Oh, how I don't want to go to work today.
By the way, did I tell you I got a new haircut yesterday? I am so butch now.
(unintentionally.)

100 things list, updated.
I was born in South Carolina.
I moved when I was 5 and have never been back.
I've been married 4 times.
My 3rd and 4th husbands are one-in-the-same.
I'm 32 33.
I'd sleep with Tony Soprano...
...in a HEARTBEAT.
I use expletives. Frequently.
I've been pregnant twice.
I have one child.
It's a boy!
I have a paralyzing fear of death.
I love Mexican food.
I rarely eat it.
I eat out at least 4 x's a week.
My sink is full of dirty dishes.
My kitchen pantry is full.
There's nothing to eat in my house.
I'm a Licensed Nurse and hold a certificate in Medical Transcription.
I can't find a job. Have a nursing job as of 2/2003.
I'm told I should get a computer-related degree.
My dad is dead.
I can't talk about him without tearing up.
He was a computer guru.
I have a babydoll.
I'm female and don't like to shoe-shop.
I regard Nick-at-Nite and TVLand as high-quality entertainment.
I starred in my own porn flick.
I was not a virgin when I married *SHOCK!*
I talk too much.
Winter is my favorite season.
I don't like sports. I like football, a little. GO HOGS!
I am cynical.
I got it honestly.
I don't know the names of my local elected officials.
I don't care, either.
I've lived in Arkansas, Texas, Idaho, Washington, and South Carolina.
I've never seen an ocean.
I don't know how to ski - on water or snow.
I have a dog.
Snakes, spiders, and roaches gross me out.
My uncle sounds disturbingly like my dad.
I can't talk to him on the phone.
I use both DVD player and VCR, but can't manage to record from dvd to VHS.
I drive a truck.
I hate my ankles.
I know how to sew.
I own a sex toy.
I don't like sex...much. I like it, I just don't remember it anymore.
I am not a good housekeeper.
I don't like tea or water.
Chicken is my favorite meat.
I own a gun. Gave it to my nephew.
I'm thankful for my right to do so.
I once found a flyer for the KKK in my driveway.
I despise the Ku Klux Klan.
I have been unemployed for over a year.
I don't like the idea of same-sex marriage.
I believe in God.
I find the Bible to be contradictory.
I believe every word of it.
I'm not a member of the NRA.
I'm overweight.
I kill plants.
Not intentionally.
I have smoked marijuana.
I've never snorted or shot anything up.
I hate to cook.
Mario Bros. is my favorite Nintendo game.
My favorite arcade game was Galaga.
I received my first kiss hidden between Ms. PacMan and Dig-Dug.
I adore my grandparents.
I truly don't know if intercourse took place during my first sexual encounter.
I still regard it as losing my virginity.
I can't ride a moped.
I like having my feet rubbed.
"Shit" is my favorite word.
I like the smell of gasoline.
I think I have ugly feet.
My 2nd, 3rd, and 4th husbands share the same first name.
I bite my fingernails.
I pray.
I have my eyebrows waxed.
I rarely wear makeup.
Sweats are my favorite attire.
I wear a bracelet I have only removed once twice - for surgery and to have the clasp replaced.
I don't wear a wedding ring.
I am southern by birth and by choice.
I have been involved in a romantic internet relationship.
I regard them as something to avoid.
I believe I have a purpose in life.
I don't know what it is yet.
I don't advise pregnancy after the age of 30.
I have never owned an Atari.
I don't make New Years' Resolutions.
I cry often.
I believe that PMS is a valid condition.
I have been called overbearing.
I don't hate anyone.
I failed French and Geometry in high school.

Horrible day at work yesterday, state inspectors there for 2nd day in a row, and left immediately after talking to me.
That's never a good sign.
On a lighter note, I got an amusing email from my mother of all folks, paraphrased below:
Here are five secrets, taken from ancient aboriginal knowledge, that every woman needs to know to be happy:
1- It is important to have a man who helps you around the house, and has a job.
2- It is important to have a man who makes you laugh.
3- It is important to have a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4- It is important to have a man who is good in bed and enjoys making love to you.
5- It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Funny how that rings true nowadays.

Another day, another blog. Ever wonder what your purpose in life is? For me, it's a daily grind of doing other necessary things - work, house, kid, etc. - while I'm trying to figure out my purpose. Lately, I'm asking myself "Is it to be here as a doormat for men as they stumble in and out of my life?" Yes, I know. That sounds pretty 'feel-sorry-for-me' doesn't it? I don't mean it that way, but I do wonder if that's what it's all about.

Sigh.