Oh, to be rich.....

...in monitary terms, in health, in love, in happiness....(sigh) the quadruple crown!! 2 out of 4 ain't bad!

The Funniest Thing I've Ever Cried About

Oh. My. God.

You know the expression "I laughed until I cried" - well, I'm not sure if it's a depression issue I've been having lately, or a perimenopause issue I'm fairly sure I've been having lately, but I laughed and cried at the same time. No, not the kind of cry you do when you've been laughing - that's one of those laughed-so-hard-tears-welled-up-in-my-eyes kind of crys, and that's not what I mean here. I mean I began to laugh and by the time I was through reading, I was bawling.

In a good way.

Bawling with a laugh.

Nevermind.

Enjoy!

Happy New Year!

While my jobless ass has plenty of time to tackle all those house chores that I never have time to do, I think I'll just sit down and blog about something totally useless. After all, what are blogs for? And we've just established I have nothing better to do!


Flipping through channels and came across The Bridges of Madison County. This is probably my favorite love story-type movie. I never have been able to figure out why it is that I cry each and every time I see the scene where Fran is in the truck waiting on her husband to come out of the store, and she sees Robert standing there in the rain just looking at her. No words are spoken, yet I immediately start the water works. I thought 'well, they are phenomenal actors. That's all. It's just a well-acted scene.' True, no arguement with that, but that's not all. I think I figured out what it is about it that draws such a response from me without anything more than just a look between actors. In the movie, Robert and Francesca share a very special thing between them, something so powerful that it lasts for decades after they spent only 4 days together, never to see each other again. I realized tonight that even after 4 husbands, I have never known a love like that. That's sad in itself, but here's the kicker: I'm 40 years old. Chances are I never will.

With that, I will make a New Year's Resolution: Get over it.

I'm curious...

How does one say "Get your shit and get out!" effectively?

I've done that.

I've done that too.

Yep, that too.

IT DOESN'T WORK.

You know what makes this funny?

The fact that it's set to Prelude by Bach.

Watch the dogs.

Up late with nothing to do....

... but watch T.V. - a re-run of Bridget Jones' Diary which I adore, but I've seen it so many times I can nearly recite it.

There's not a damn thing on, and I've been locked out of my own bedroom so I'll be riding the couch tonight.

What a jackass.

I wish I had all my bills paid off.

And no car note.

And a fucking spine.

I'd like a little cheese with my whine please.

How many times does a person have to be humiliated, talked-down-to, treated as if she were second rate before she realizes that it will never change and she should stop allowing it?

Maybe even more importantly, when does it stop being his fault and become her own?

This is the person that I've always heard about - the one that I would never become. "Are you kidding? I would never allow someone to talk to me like that."

Seriously.

I have said that in conversations with 'the girls.' Someone mentions a conversation a friend had with her husband in which he behaves like a total shit, and you instantly begin to think of how you would never allow someone to talk to you like that...treat you like that...etc. You would throw the man out - or call the police - or cut off an appendage...whatever. Right? You've had a part in one of these conversations before. You know exactly what I'm talking about.

And you've said the same thing - "He wouldn't talk to me like that!" Me too. The difference between the two of us is that you probably meant it.

The truth is that we're not all push-overs. For some of us, it's that we just have one thing that we can't control in our lives - the way that our husbands talk to and treat us. Sometimes, it's gone on for years, and so therefore becomes much harder to recognize as being abnormal. It becomes second nature. You begin to believe that normal is feeling like you truly are 'pathetic' or 'a fucking bitch' or whatever the insult du jour is. 5 years later, there you are - stuck in a sorry excuse for a marriage and barely recognizable in the mirror.

If realizing what you've become isn't bad enough, then you have the family and friends to deal with. "I don't know how you put up with that. I'd have been gone long ago. Why do you stay?"

I truly don't know where to start.

Or how to end.